Sweetness is overvalued
As a coach I should probably be as calm as a summer sea or at least as a cucumber, as my daughter adds. Well, I am not. I can go from 1 to 100 in about 10 seconds. And to be honest, my husband is not particularly happy about this personality trait. But there are millions of other things he probably likes about me. And the same here. We are not trying to pretend that we are perfect and our relationship is far from being perfect as well. However, after 17 years we still love to talk to each other and spend our time together as a family.
There were times when I was complaining a lot about my husband to my girl friends. About our problems and discussions. You would be surprised how many times I was asked: why am I still with this horrible person? Why don’t I try to look for better relationship? I was answering that I do not consider my relationship to be bad, I just tell how I currently feel.
Was my husband so bad? Of course he was! And I was as well. Who is not, sometimes?
Well, probably not most of my friends’ hubbies. Their partners were always “so sweet” and “perfect”. They would never call them in other words than “my honey”, “sweetheart” or “my dearest”.
Ten years passed by. We still live in our “Italian style” relationship and we still complain about same things. We managed to fix some problems but there is still a lot of others we have to work on. But guess what happened? Most of the girls from “perfect relationships” are already divorced, some close to that decision.
In most cases when the real life started, with kids, mortgage and all that nice but annoying stuff they all become less sweet and somehow more tired. Unfortunately, they were not used to communicate about tough problems. With a time, frustration was replaced by anger, silence and feeling that something was broken.
Now I hear from the same girlfriends that “I am lucky to have my husband”. Of course, I am, but it doesn’t mean that he (or me) is perfect now. The fact is I have never expect him to be.